I am 30 years old, no kids. Married my high school sweetheart 5 years ago, and have only ever been with him. We have a good sex life. He is good in bed, attentive... but he's not well endowed.
He goes away a lot for work for days at a time, and when he does, I get lonely.
For the past 2 or three years I have been watching a lot of interracial porn when he's away, and I love watching a black guys (or guys) have sex with a white women. I secretly wish I was one of them! My husband doesn't know about my fetish.
We know lots of people, and some are black, but he doesn’t spend a lot of time with them. I tease him all the time that because he doesn't hang out with any of the black people we know, people might think he is a bit of a racist. One time we were having an argument about this, and I called him a closet racist, and suggested he would be jealous of a black dildo. He laughed, and then a few days later he bought me one and said that it proves that it doesn't bother him at all! (I use it all the time!! )
But years later, he still doesn’t hang out with black guys, just white ones.
So about a year ago, we were arguing again, and I jokingly said to my husband that maybe the only way to prove he isn't racist is to let me have sex with a black guy, in our bed while he is in the house, and for him to not do anything to stop it. He quickly answered "Yeah, that's not going to happen", and I just laughed it off. But last weekend I joked about it again, and he just stared at me and said "whatever makes you happy". I just laughed and let it go at the time, but I can't stop thinking about it. Did he imply that he's now OK with this? Like did me bringing it up all the time get him used to the idea? Did I wear him down? Or was he just tired of the joke?
Now that wonder if maybe he has given me the go ahead, I really really want to do it... Like sooo bad. But a small part of me is kind of worried that he's not OK with it. I kind of don't want to come out and actually ask him if I can, because what if he was not giving me approval? And then I look like a bit of a tramp. At least now I can say i was just joking.
A black guy I work with flirts with me all the time. He is tall, muscular, and I bet he is hung! I think he likes me enough that I could get him into bed... I want to see a black cock in real life. I want to do all sorts of things with him.
I'm also kind of worried that if I do go ahead with it this one time, that I might want to do it again. I don't want to ruin my marriage.
Stupid Pornhub interracial porn!
What should I do?